Contraband
by cleotheo
Summary: When McGonagall finds Weasleys Wizard Wheezes products have been brought into her classroom, she decides to check for any more contraband her seventh years are in possession of. What she doesn't expect is for every student in her class to be carrying around something they shouldn't. Fun, One Shot.


**A/N - This is a fun, lighthearted oneshot. Even though Dramione are at the heart of the story, it's also something of an ensemble piece. The story is set in 7th year - no war and no Voldemort. Enjoy!**

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It was a dreary Monday afternoon in Professor McGonagall's Transfiguration lesson. The rain was lashing off the windows as the seventh years completed a written assignment they'd been working on for the last few weeks. While the seventh years worked on perfecting their assignments, McGonagall busied herself with some marking. For well over half the lesson, the room was quiet and peaceful as everyone silently got on with their work.

Part way through the lesson, Neville Longbottom approached McGonagall's desk asking for help. McGonagall provided assistance to her student, and once she was sure he understood everything she sent him back to his desk. However, Neville was well known for his clumsiness and somehow on the way back to his desk he got his foot caught up in Dean Thomas's bag. With a loud clatter, Neville went flying to the floor while the contents of Dean's bag spilt all over the classroom.

"Enough!" McGonagall cried loudly as several students laughed at Neville's misfortune. "Mr Longbottom, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Neville muttered, his face turning bright red as he picked himself up from the floor.

McGonagall opened her mouth to tell Dean to pick up the contents of his bag, when she spotted a familiar logo on a bag underneath a nearby table. Pulling out her wand, she summoned the bag and found herself holding a selection of Weaselys Wizard Wheezes joke sweets. Since the Weasley twins had started their own business the previous year, the products had been banned in Hogwarts during the week. A small selection of their products were allowed on a weekend, but it was against the rules to bring any Weasleys Wizard Wheezes product into lessons. With a frown, McGonagall turned to Dean who was looking sheepish at being caught with the contraband product.

"Would you care to explain, Mr Thomas?" She asked, holding up the bag for the whole class to see.

"I forgot to take them out of my bag," Dean offered sheepishly.

"So you weren't planning on using them to get out of classes?" McGonagall questioned. The bag she held, contained all the sweets the twins claimed were perfect for faking illness and skipping lessons.

"Not yours," Dean muttered under his breath. While he considered using the sweets in other lessons, McGonagall was one of the Professors he wouldn't dream of trying to trick using the sweets.

"It seems like a lesson is needed in what is and is not allowed in class," McGonagall said as she walked back over to her desk and placed the sweets on it. "I think it's time to check who else is carrying around stuff they shouldn't be bringing to class. Mr Thomas, since the contents of your bag is littered around the room, we can see you're not carrying anything else you shouldn't be. You can pick up everything, and join me in detention on Saturday. Anyone else caught with something they shouldn't have will also be joining me in detention," She warned, her eyes sweeping around the class and finding several guilty looking faces. "Mr Finnegan, why don't you bring your bag up so we can check it?"

Seamus reluctantly grabbed his bag, and made his way to the front of the classroom. Summoning an empty desk from the side of the room, McGonagall made Seamus empty his bag onto the desk. Slowly Seamus emptied the bag, and a sigh of disappointment was heard around the room when it appeared he was carrying nothing untoward. However, McGonagall wasn't satisfied and when Seamus reckoned he was finished, she took the bag off him and had a look inside herself. With a flourish she produced a small tin, labelled Weaselys Wizard Wheezes firecrackers.

"There is no point hiding anything, I will be checking the bags are completely empty," McGonagall warned the class as she placed the firecrackers with the sweets. "Mr Finnegan, welcome to detention."

"This is so funny," Theo Nott whispered to his friends as the second Gryffindor in a row got into trouble with McGonagall.

"Ah, Mr Nott, thank you for volunteering," McGonagall called. "Come forward and empty your bag."

"I'm completely innocent," Theo announced as he grabbed his bag and sauntered down to the front of the class. "I only have books in my bag."

"Let's hope you do," McGonagall retorted, gesturing for Theo to begin emptying his bag.

With a smug smirk, Theo began emptying his bag. After placing several books onto the table, his smirk disappeared as his hand closed around a long forgotten bag of dungbombs. Theo had totally forgotten about the dungbombs, he thought they may even have been in his bag since the previous year.

"What is it Mr Nott?" McGonagall asked, trying not to seem smug as the Slytherin boy paused in emptying his bag. Suddenly his confidence had disappeared and she knew he would be pulling out contraband.

"I swear I'd forgotten these were even in here," Theo pleaded as he reluctantly pulled the dungbombs out of his bag. "I wasn't planning on using them, I promise."

"Then maybe you should clean your bag out more often," McGonagall said. "As it is, you've earned yourself detention on Saturday."

"Bloody bombs," Theo cursed as he shoved everything else back in his bag and slunk back to his seat.

"I guess you Slytherins aren't so innocent after all," Ron Weasley chuckled.

"Mr Weasley, thank you for volunteering," McGonagall said. "You know the drill."

Moving to the front of the classroom, Ron opened his bag and began to empty it. Apart from a couple of books, Ron's bag was filled with sweets and chocolates and it took him several minutes to completely empty the entire thing.

"Bloody hell, he's got more sweets than Honeydukes," Blaise Zabini said with a snort.

"They're for break time," Ron said defensively.

"You know the rules," McGonagall said as she swept Ron's sweets onto her desk with the growing pile of contraband. "No sweets in lessons. You'll also be joining us in detention."

"You're not so perfect now, are you?" Theo sneered as Ron returned to his seat.

"At least I knew I had the sweets," Ron shot back. "You got into trouble for something you didn't even know you had."

Quickly stepping in and stopping the argument before it got out of hand, McGonagall carried on the bag searches. After Ron she turned her attention to Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle. Crabbe went first and revealed a stack of pasties and sandwiches to rival Ron's stack of sweets. When Goyle had his turn, he revealed a bag full of cakes and biscuits. Even though it was just after lunch, it would appear the two Slytherins weren't quite full and had packed afternoon snacks.

"Does anyone just have books in their bag?" McGonagall sighed as the pile on her desk grew even bigger. "Miss Granger, how about you. Surely you don't have anything you shouldn't."

"I just have books and a few quills," Hermione answered as she stepped forward and unpacked her bag. Hermione's claims were true, and apart from several quills all she unpacked were books.

"Bookworm," Theo called teasingly.

"Just because I know how to read," Hermione shot back, turning to glare at Theo.

While Hermione was focused on Theo, she failed to notice McGonagall having a closer look at her books. McGonagall had spotted a thin book slipped in between the pages of a large history book, and she was curious about what Hermione was trying to hide. However, when she pulled the book out she wished she hadn't. McGonagall found herself holding a book of sexual positions in her hand, and when she flipped through it she was shocked to find several positions had ticks beside them.

"Professor, I can explain," Hermione whispered, blushing furiously as she turned back to the Transfiguration Professor and found her holding the book.

"I don't think I want explanations Miss Granger," McGonagall muttered. "I can clearly see what this book is."

"Is that one of those books that shows you different sexual positions?" Blaise called, straining to see the small book in the Professor's hands.

"Ooh, Granger has a wild side," Theo teased.

"Miss Granger, this isn't really appropriate material to have in lessons, you'll also have to join the detention club."

Trying to avoid eye contact with anyone, Hermione repacked her bag and headed back to her seat. Her friends tried to engage her in conversation about the book, but Hermione refused to be drawn on why she had such a book. Finally her friends gave up and Hermione managed to sneak a look at her boyfriend, Draco Malfoy. Sitting over the other side of the class, Draco gave Hermione an amused smirk and raised a knowing eyebrow at his girlfriend. He'd given her the book as a joke present, and vowed that they would try every position in the book.

After Hermione, McGonagall called on Lavender Brown. In Lavender's bag was a bottle of Ra-Ra nail polish. The nail polish included an enchantment that caused the colour to change every ten minutes. Since cosmetics were banned during the week, Lavender also ended up in detention for having the nail polish in her bag. After Lavender came Parvati Patil, who was harbouring several tubes of lusty lip-gloss. Like Lavender's nail polish, the lip-glosses also came with an enchantment. The enchantment made the wearer's lips irresistible, and it entranced wizards. Like Lavender, Parvati also got detention for bringing cosmetics into class.

"Mr Longbottom, are you hiding anything in your bag?" McGonagall questioned. At the rate they were going, she was going to have her whole class in detention.

"I've got Trevor in my bag," Neville admitted, pulling out a box that contained his toad. "He's not very well, so I was going to take him to Madam Pomfrey."

"I wouldn't recommend that," McGonagall warned. "Madam Pomfrey wouldn't look kindly on you taking a toad into her hospital wing. I would try taking him to Hagrid, he might be able to help. However, you know you're not allowed to bring pets to lessons."

"I know." Neville nodded in resignation. "I'll be at detention on Saturday."

"From the looks of things, so will everyone else," McGonagall said. "Mr Potter will you be joining the group?" She asked, turning to the next student in the class.

"Probably," Harry Potter muttered as he moved to the front of the class and dumped the contents of his bag onto the desk.

Apart from his books, quills and various other junk, was a couple of quidditch magazines. One magazine was closed, but another one was open at a page that was magically showing a replay of a recent match. Harry and Ron had been watching the match at break time and during boring lessons, but they hadn't dared get the magazine out in McGonagall's class.

"No magazines are allowed in class either," McGonagall said as she placed the magazines on her desk and made sure Harry knew he also had detention.

A few minutes later a couple of fashion magazines joined the pile, courtesy of Pansy Parkinson. Like Harry, Pansy had been reading her magazines in breaks and boring lessons. After Pansy had received detention, it was Daphne's Greengrasses turn to empty her bag. Initially it looked as though there was nothing amiss in her bag, but when she was putting one of her books back in her bag, a pile of love letters fluttered out onto the floor.

"Let me help," Theo offered, jumping from his seat and scooping up a few bits of parchment that were near to his desk. "Ooh, saucy," He cackled, scanning the letters in his hand. "Blaise is definitely a smooth talker."

"How do you know the letters are off me?" Blaise demanded.

"I recognise your writing," Theo answered as he made sure to hand the notes to McGonagall. "Besides, who else would arrange a date and tell them to not to bother with underwear as it would only slow the pair of you down."

"I think that's enough Mr Nott," McGonagall scolded. "Now Miss Greengrass, letters like this aren't contraband but I do have to take issue with the content. Anyone could get their hands on these letters if you just carry them around, I suggest you keep your saucy letters in a safer place in future."

"Yes, Professor," Daphne muttered as she retook her seat and glared at both Theo and Blaise. She was annoyed at Theo for telling everyone what sort of letter McGonagall had found, but she was also annoyed at Blaise for writing them to her. If he sent her notes like normal boys they wouldn't have a problem, but all his notes were full of sexual innuendoes.

"Mr Zabini," McGonagall called, summoning the Slytherin to the front of the room. "Let's see what goodies you have for us."

"I have something really good," Blaise smirked as he began to empty his bag.

McGonagall let out an outraged cry as Blaise casually pulled out a copy of Playwizard magazine. The magazine was full of scantily clad witches and packed full of sexual stories. On the front cover was a topless blonde witch, who was blowing kisses and smiling coyly.

"Mr Zabini, this is just too much," McGonagall tutted, trying not to look at the depraved magazine in front of her. "A lot of what I've confiscated is allowed outside of lessons, but filth like this isn't allowed in school at all."

"There's no specific rule about Playwizard magazines," Blaise argued. "I checked it out before I subscribed."

"You subscribe to Playwizard magazine?" Seamus questioned, a touch of envy evident in his voice.

"I subscribe for the articles," Blaise replied with a wicked grin. "They're very informative."

"And the naked witches, have nothing to do with it," Draco snorted in disbelief.

"They're an added bonus," Blaise confirmed. "Although the real thing is much better," He added, giving Daphne a not so subtle wink.

"Mr Zabini, you will definitely be in detention on Saturday," McGonagall said. "And I think we need to have a talk with Professor Dumbledore and Professor Snape about your reading material. Stuff like this should most definitely be banned, imagine if a younger student got hold of it."

"It would be an education," Blaise laughed as he retook his seat, not at all bothered by the telling off he'd received.

McGonagall shook her head at Blaise, and turned her attention to his best friend. "Mr Malfoy, it's your turn."

Striding up to the front of the room, Draco began to unpack his bag. After pulling out quills and books, he found a couple of surprising things at the bottom of his bag. Like Theo, he'd totally forgotten what lay at the bottom of his bag, but unlike Theo he knew they hadn't been there since the previous year. He'd just simply forgotten to remove the items.

"Well Mr Malfoy, what do you have in the bottom of your bag?" McGonagall wearily questioned the blond wizard.

"Nothing," Draco answered, trying his best to look innocent.

"Why don't I believe you," McGonagall said as he took the bag off Draco and plunged her hand inside. Surprisingly McGonagall pulled out a gold and red tie and laid it on the table. "Not exactly your colours Mr Malfoy," She remarked as her hand delved back into the bag to grab the other thing she'd felt. The second time she pulled her hand from the bag, she was holding onto a slinky pair of emerald green women's knickers.

"Now those are his colours," Theo said, causing the entire class to burst out laughing.

"I'm assuming the tie belongs to one of my girls," McGonagall said to Draco, ignoring the snickering students. "But does the underwear belong to the same girl?"

"I'd rather not answer that," Draco replied. He was confident that there was no way McGonagall would be able to tell the tie and knickers both belonged to Hermione.

"Obviously you have detention with the rest of the class," McGonagall said as she told Draco to repack his bag and go and sit down.

While Draco was repacking the bag, McGonagall picked up the Gryffindor tie and examined it for clues. On the back of the tie she found the label, and neatly printed on the label was the initials of the owner; H.G. Shocked by what she'd discovered, McGonagall looked up at her brightest student. Hermione had clearly worked out the tie and underwear was hers as she had her head down, studiously ignoring the goings on at the front of the room.

McGonagall had no intention of outing Hermione as the owner of the tie and underwear, but it would appear a few students were paying close attention to the Transfiguration Professor and had noticed where her attention had focused. One of those students watching McGonagall was Theo, and he couldn't control the cry of surprise that fell from his lips as he put two and two together.

"Bloody hell, Granger," He cried unthinkingly.

"What are you on about?" Draco asked as he returned to his seat.

"You and Granger," Theo answered. "Those were her tie and knickers in your bag. She's also the owner of all those knickers you keep in the bottom of your trunk."

"What the hell were you doing in my trunk?" Draco cried in outrage.

"Never mind that, why do you have knickers in your trunk?" Blaise interrupted, far more interested in the saucy collection of underwear his best friend owned.

"This really isn't the time or the place," McGonagall called, stopping the Slytherins before things got completely out of hand. "The entire class is in detention with me on Saturday, and I want you all to think about what you carry round in your bags in the future. Most of what I confiscated would have been perfectly okay on an evening or weekend, but you all know that during the day you should only be carrying what you need for lessons. I hope in future, you'll think about what you bring into my classroom."

Just as McGonagall finished talking the bell rang to signal end of lesson. While most of the class rushed off to enjoy their break, a few students lingered behind. Draco had been cornered by Blaise and Theo, who both wanted to know more about Hermione. While Hermione had been stopped from leaving by Harry and Ron, who wanted an explanation.

"Is Nott telling the truth?" Ron demanded. "Did Malfoy have your underwear?"

Hermione looked over to where Draco was standing with his friends. Blaise and Theo had heard Ron's question, and they were both waiting for the brunette witch's answer. Not sure what to say, Hermione looked to Draco for advice.

"I would say the cat's out of the bag," Draco said with a shrug. "Or rather, the underwear's out of the bag," He added with a smirk.

"So it's true," Harry gasped. "Malfoy had your underwear."

"Yes, it's true," Hermione admitted. "Draco and I are together, hence why he had the underwear. Although I never would have given it to him had I known he was just wandering around school with it in his bag, not to mention stowing it in his trunk for anyone to see."

"Firstly, you didn't give me the knickers, I took them. And secondly, I hid the underwear in my trunk," Draco argued. "It's not my fault, Theo went snooping."

"I wasn't snooping," Theo protested with a pout. "I was looking for an empty vial for potions, I just happened to stumble upon your secret stash of women's underwear."

"Is this what the sex book was about?" Ron asked Hermione with a Grimace. "Were you studying up on different sexual positions?"

"The book was just a bit of a laugh," Hermione muttered. She was still mortified that she'd had the book on her the one day Professor McGonagall decided to do a bag search. Any other day the book would have been safely back in her room, but she'd had the book on her as she'd found a position she fancied trying with Draco when they met up later that day and she wanted to check if he was up for trying it.

"How long have you been with Malfoy?" Harry asked, trying not to think about his friend sleeping with the blond Slytherin.

"Since the beginning of the year," Hermione answered.

"Technically we kissed last year, but it was the last day of term and we didn't get a chance to discuss things properly," Draco supplied helpfully.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Harry asked.

"I was worried about how you'd react," Hermione confessed, her attention switching more to Ron. Truthfully she'd always thought she would be able to talk to Harry and he would listen to her, but she'd always expected Ron to fly off the handle at the news she was with Draco.

"Are you sure you weren't just ashamed?" Ron asked with a sneer. "Because I'd be ashamed to shag a Slytherin."

"I'm not ashamed of being with Draco," Hermione said forcefully. "We may have been putting off telling people, but part of that was also due to the fact that sneaking around is pretty hot."

"Yeah, it is," Draco agreed as he moved over to where Hermione was standing and took her hand in his. "But everyone knows now, so we can be open about our relationship."

"It won't work," Ron snorted dismissively. "The pair of you will never make it last."

"Maybe we won't, but we'll have fun trying," Hermione said with a smile. "And we would appreciate our friends supporting us."

"We're happy for you," Blaise said, speaking for both him and Theo. Theo happily nodded in agreement with Blaise, he wasn't bothered who Draco was dating as long as his friend was happy.

"It's weird, but it's your life," Harry offered when Hermione turned to her friends.

"I don't like it," Ron muttered. "But it's none of my business," He added reluctantly when Harry elbowed him in the ribs. "Just don't come looking for sympathy when it all goes wrong," He warned Hermione, before turning and stalking out of the classroom.

"He'll get used to it," Harry said to Hermione, before he went chasing after Ron.

Hermione didn't know if Ron would ever accept her relationship with Draco, but it really wasn't something she could change. Chances were he was going to react badly no matter how he found out about them, so even if he'd found out in a more conventional way there was no guarantee he would have reacted any differently. It wasn't as if Hermione knew her relationship with Draco would be revealed in such a way. Who knew a simple bag search would spill her biggest secret. All Hermione could do now was wait and hope that Ron did come round and she didn't end up losing her friend because he was stubborn and refused to accept she was happy with Draco.

**The End.**


End file.
